Return to C&J Online News home page

The feeling is mutual

by CHARLES D. CARE, C&J 371

Sometimes, I’ll go walking. On a certain level, I’m trying to avoid them. I’ll come up to a cross street and wait. Oh no, I think. There comes one now. I freeze, afraid. Sure enough, it’ll do something stupid, like they always do. Rude. Uncouth.

I hate Toyota pickups.

I learned young that the color of one’s skin, or hair, or eyes means little. Their origins influence how they think, and that may, at times, be too much to bear, but it’s not that that group of people is somehow deficient.

But I still hate Toyota pickups.

And I’m pretty sure they hate me.

It would be deserved, it’s true. I mocked an owner of one once. As I recall, there wasn’t a part of the truck that hadn’t been rebuilt of repaired. I told him, “You might as well paint that thing yellow, ‘cause it sure is a lemon!”

This is how wars get started though.

It seems that no matter where I am, no matter how little I drive, somehow, someway there’s a Toyota pickup waiting to do something to piss me off. I’ll drive three blocks to Walgreens, because it’s too cold to walk, or I’m sick. I’ll start to turn into the lot, and there’s a Toyota pickup that pulls out, almost hitting me. Blindly pulling from his space, whipping around and onto the street, oblivious of my presence.

The white ones are the worst. Don’t get me wrong, one of my best friends drives a white Toyota pickup. I rode with him once. He cut someone off.

But, it’s not just white Toyotas, either. It’s white pickups in general. And I like Fords, but still they seem out to get me. My landlord, another good friend, has a white Dodge Ram.

I secretly was glad when it broke down.

I don’t know, though, if they’re as bad as Volvos. It’s one of those great ironies, I think, that the safest cars on the road are driven by people that, quite frankly need the safest cars on the road. Seriously, if there’s no stop sign, DON’T STOP!

I drove truck for a few years, and I learned some valuable lessons from that time.
Car haulers are out to get me.

I never did anything to them, either, other than envy their big fat paychecks and easy lifestyles. These guys have it all, and it still isn’t enough. They had to make me look bad. Not letting me by, going up hills in Kentucky. Picking a fight with me at the Love’s in Albuquerque. Tailgating me from Tijeras to Tucumcari.

But they’re not even the worst. When I drove for Werner Enterprises, the big baby blue trucks, they were governed right at 65mph. Schneider, the orange-and-black monstrosities that they are, did around 64.999mph. They knew it. We knew it. Those arrogant jerks never would let me by.

So, there’s my confession, OK? But, you see, I’m right. They’re all a bunch of know-nothings. White Toyotas, Volvos, Schneiders, car haulers. They all have it out for me.

Because I’m just better than them. I know how to drive. I was taught better as a kid. The thing is, people who own Volvos are too uppity and rich to learn the menial task of driving properly. They’re too accustomed to being driven around.

Toyotas, are on the other end. They never had anything. Those type of people just don’t have the breeding. Really, I can’t expect much of them, now can I? I’m so glad I’m enlightened, or this might all seem a little frightening.

October 29, 2007

Go to Top