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The 1st Principle: Shake his hand

by DEVON COSTELLO, C&J 371

Today for my column on “Principles of Public Etiquette” I will be sharing a slight bit of my past with you as well as trying to address a topic of public decency that I feel has been in great decline the last few years. Now onto the column I have dubbed, the Handshake. First a quick Principle in the course of polite daily interaction among ourselves, there are often new faces upon which we come into contact. My Principle regarding such matters is simple: Stand up and shake hands. It is thirty seconds of respect everyone deserves.

A brief story here if I may. In the summer of 2004 I traveled cross country with my best friend Nick. One day in Utah, as I can see no other state as to where such a timeline of destruction could be so vividly traced, thanks in part to the state’s conservative followings and our inability to blend into the local atmosphere, there is a well imprinted scene upon my mind. It is one that experienced alcoholics refer to as a “moment of clarity.”

Since details such as ages and names will only place me, let us rather explain in the incredulous words of the first officer on scene: “This was over a handshake?”

Nick, my trusted companion, had as is natural to such a man, begun to meet and greet with great whim — and on occasion, open disdain — the unfamiliar faces dotting the crowd that had formed around us. It seems that due to a lack of restraint on our own part, and a lack of proper age verification on the gas station’s part, a gathering of sorts had formed literally around us.

Dozens of young adults (I use the term adults loosely), open containers, blaring music and the general commotion of a small protest had all fused together smack in the middle of an empty supermarket parking lot. One local though refused to shake Nick’s hand, an action to which Nick took great offense and would lead to a newspaper running the words “Parking lot dance party goes wrong” the following morning.

Anyway I held that particular night against him right up until our return to San Francisco, crowing and blabbering about how I could never understand what he was thinking. And right then, I couldn’t. I felt that even in an inebriated state on mind, which came as a constant given our situation, Nick’s reaction to the refusal of a handshake was much more then what was called for. Then it happened to me. And sadly while I did not cause anything near the mini-riot Nick was capable of, I was just as disappointed with myself the following morning in the actions I took in responding to what I felt was a very open and public display of disrespect.

I cannot say one must always force themselves to be nice. Such an idea is unrealistic, not to mention mentally and physically exhausting.

There is a level of mutual respect, however, that should be recognized among us as individuals no matter the personal differences. I believe having the honor to shake hands properly is a tradition on its last leg, and that is a sad state of affairs.

November 30, 2007

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