Ann Coulter is a feared political pundit. Rather than use logic or persuasion, she chooses to bludgeon her enemies with a stream of foul rhetoric that would make a hooker cringe. Since most liberals are hookers, they do indeed cringe.

Ann Coulter studied martial arts for years under the harsh tutelage of Chuck Norris. Her training gives her the ability to hypnotize liberals so she can gouge their eyes out. She shoots so well that Annie Oakley would menstruate in shock at her talent. The few liberals who possess physical strength fall quickly before her.

Strengths: Sarcasm; height; leather outfits; Florida electorate; laser beams that shoot out of her eyes

Weaknesses: Small liberal readership; college campuses; iThenticate; job tenure; hippie-chick pie wagons; pie

Appears in issues: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #9, #12, #13, #14