Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy

>Hamlet's Cat's soliloquy, by William Shakespeare's Cat
>
>To go outside, and there perchance to stay,
>Or to remain within -- That is the question:
>Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
>The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
>That nature rains on those who roam abroad,
>Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
>And so by dozing melt the solid hours
>that clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time,
>And stall the dinner bell.  To sit; To stare
>Outdoors;  and by a stare to seem to state
>A wish to venture forth without delay;
>Then, when the portal's opened up, to stand
>As if transfixed by doubt.  To prowl; To sleep;
>To choose, not knowing when we may once more
>Our readmittance gain:  Aye, there's the hairball;
>For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob
>Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
>And going out and coming in were made
>As simple as the breaking of a bowl,
>What cat would bear the household's petty plagues
>The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom
>The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears
>The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
>that fur is heir to, when of his own free will
>He might his exodus or entrance make
>With a mere mitten?  Who would spaniels fear
>Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,
>But that the dread of our unheeded cries
>And scratches at a barricaded door
>No claw can open up, dispels our nerve
>And makes us rather bear our human's faults
>Than run away to unguessed miseries?
>Thus caution doth make house cats of us all,
>And thus the bristling hair of resolution
>Is softened up with the pale brush of thought;
>And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
>We pause upon the threshold of decision.