From Top5List@topfive.com Tue Oct 12 13:50:19 1999 Date: Wed, 15 Sep 1999 13:53:22 -0700 From: The Top 5 List To: Top5@topica.com Subject: Top5 - 9/15/99 - A Top5 Classic! Only 108 weapons-stockpiling days until Y2K! ================================================================== T H E T O P F I V E L I S T To unsubscribe: Top5-unsubscribe@topica.com ================================================================== TOP5 -- The Home of Original Humor http://www.topfive.com ------------------------------------------------------------------ The Top 5 List (original lists) top5-subscribe@topica.com Ruminations (odd thoughts) ruminations-subscribe@topica.com The Daily Probe (news satire) probe-subscribe@topica.com The Whack Report (real stories) whack-subscribe@topica.com The Kid Report (kid stories) kidreport-subscribe@topica.com ================================================================== $10 off for new customers at CDNOW With five times the selection of a conventional music store, personal recommendations and more- CDNOW. Your music. Your Store. http://www.cdnow.com/from=med:n:tfs:rc1t:t0086 ================================================================== September 15, 1999 NOTE FROM CHRIS: The submissions for today's topic (and perhaps the topic itself) were less than inspiring, so we're going to subject you to a Top5 Classic instead. This was originally published on November 8, 1996. The Top 16 Signs Your Cat is Overweight [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1996, 1999 by Chris White ] 16> Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener. 15> Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair. 14> Always lands on her spleen. 13> Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches. 12> Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens. 11> No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz. 10> Anna Nicole Smith fits through your kitty door without the aid of lubricants. 9> Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough. 8> Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit. 7> It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter. 6> "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously. 5> Larry King keeps trying to kiss it full on the lips. 4> Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky. 3> He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull. 2> Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Overweight... 1> Has more chins than lives. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1996, 1999 by Chris White ] ================================================================== Win a $2500 Apple iBook computer! The Ultimate Sweepstakes -- ENTER NOW!! http://www.tokencity.com/surveys/survey1.cfm?id=topfive ================================================================== Selected from 117 submissions from 38 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, 2, 16 (2nd #1) Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 2, 16 Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 2, 15 Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA -- 3, Topic Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA -- 3 David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 4 Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN -- 5 Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI -- 6 Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA -- 7, 15 Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA -- 8 Matt Alford, Salem, OR -- 9 Sterling Smith, Houston, TX -- 10 John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 11 Tisha Stacey, St. Paul, MN -- 12 Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA -- 13 Matt Diamond, Holland, PA -- 13 George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO -- 14 R.M. Weiner, Brighton MA -- 15 Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 16 John Gephart, http://udel.edu/~jgephart -- Banner Tag Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor ------------------------------------------------------------------ Another Top5 Classic, "The Top 14 Tips for Surviving College" can be found on the Joke A Day website: http://www.jokeaday.com/nftop5.shtml ================================================================== Rumination of the Day Here's a travel tip: Next time you fly internationally, don't bring along extra sugar. And definitely don't bring it along in large, duct-taped plastic bags. (John Gephart) http://udel.edu/~jgephart ================================================================== [ T H E T O P F I V E L I S T ] [----------------------------------------------------------------] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ] [ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ] ================================================================== [ To unsubscribe: Send mail to Top5-unsubscribe@topica.com ] [ To bitch at the owner: chris@topfive.com ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== _____________________________________________________ Move your list to Topica in September and win $5000! Check it out http://www.topica.com/promo