CORVAIRS of NEW MEXICO
Miscellaneous Items.....
Updated 22-Nov-2009 ==== Copyright (c) 2009 Corvairs of New Mexico
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Letters to the Editor
Report on our 35th Anniversary Luncheon
Corvairs in Elgin, Illinois in the 1960s
Wayne Christgau Congratulations
Spy photos of Cash for Clunkers vehicles!
Jokes and Observations
Philosophy Lessons
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=-================-=
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
On Fri, 20 Nov 2009, Bretz Vetz wrote:
Jim,
I wanted to take a moment and compliment you and your fellow members on
the excellent newletter you produce every month. I always look forward
to my email copy sent by Sally and Ricki Jannise with Corvair Houston.
I am currently a board member with Corvair Houston and our club always
gets a kick out of seeing what's going on in sunny New Mexico.
Have a great Holiday season with all the trimmings!
Brett Finley
63 Spyder CV 150/4
68 Monza CV 140/4
=-================-=
******* SUBJECT: LIBERTARIANS
From: Wassupin2009 @ zol.com
Date: 2009-Oct-23 06:05:00 MDT
Jim,
I just happened to see the following on Roger Ebert's movie review web page
and knowing your interest in the ongoing health care debate, thought you'd
like to see it:
The irony about libertarians, who are often well-read and financially
stable, is that they are awarded the luxury of stating their egocentric
viewpoints precisely because government eliminates the state of nature.
In a true state of nature, where life is "solitary, poor, nasty,
brutish, and short," these libertarians would lose everything as the
desperate poor would simply kill them.
Cheers, w2009
******* SUBJECT: CORVAIR KUDOS
From: Wrsssatty @ aol.com
Date: 2009-Aug-25 18:02:32 MDT
Jim,
As a member of NJACE, I was sent a link to Corvairs of New Mexico's Sept.
'09 newsletter. I just wanted to congratulate you on a well-written and
entertaining article ("Why No 50-MPG Cars?").
Bill Stanley
******* SUBJECT: SEPTEMBER 2009 CORVAIRS OF NEW MEXICO NEWSLETTER
From: eschakel @ earthlink.net
Date: 2009-Aug-24 14:55:07 MDT
Another great issue, Jim. Thanks for the plug for the 2011 Convention -
it seems like a long way off, but will be here before we know it!
Eric
******* SUBJECT: CNM NEWSLETTER
From: corvairjack @ verizon.net
Date: 2009-Aug-24 10:48:39 MDT
Hi Jim -
Another interesting newsletter.
But I see that I missed your deadline for publication of the new
feature "CORSA Corner", a column each month by a member of CORSA
board of directors. Did you receive it? Admit I didn't check your
August issue to see if you printed CORSA Corner sent by Jamie Reinhart.
Perhaps you did not receive. The e-mailing is the the chapters @ corvair.org
list, and I have learned that it is incomplete and inaccurate.
Read reports from RMCC and PPCC on 2011 convention. I plan to work
with the team to produce a first class event. I know that CNM has
much talent to contribute. Regards,
Jack
Jack Pinard, Western Division Director
******* SUBJECT: JUNE 2009 DENVAIR NEWS
From: eschakel @ earthlink.net
Date: 2009-Jun-03 19:44:12 MDT
Jim, I thought CNM did an outstanding job of preparing and conducting the
event. It was great to talk with you and see everyone.
Attached is the June Newsletter. It was very nice to see so many of you at
the Tri-State Meet last weekend; look for coverage in the July issue.
Eric Schakel - RMC
******* SUBJECT: TAOS TRIP
From: finchbooks @ tularosa.net
Date: 2009-Jun-03 20:54:02 MDT
Hi Jim, Heula and CNM folks,
Gayle and I wanted to tell all the CNM members that we had a safe trip
back home from Taos and that we really enjoyed the Tri-State event. The hotel
staff were totally pleasant and the site of the Kachina Lodge was perfect.
Thanks to all the CNM folks who worked so hard to make it such a perfect event.
Richard and Gayle Finch - Tularosa, NM
******* SUBJECT: FW: FW: CORVAIR TAOS ARTICLE
From: vertrees @ swcp.com
Date: 2009-Jun-03 17:22:26 MDT
HERE ARE SOME OF THE PICTURES MY GRNDSON TOOK IN TAOS.
I THOUGHT YOUI MIGHT LIKE TO SEE THEM. CHUCK VERTREES
----- Original Message -----
Subject: Re: Fw: Corvair Taos article
From: Brian Espinosa
To: Chuck and Julie Vertrees
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 10:48 AM
Grandpa,
Here is a link to the photos I took of the cars and the event. I thought
you might want to pass these along to the club. I shot a lot of HD video
with my camera, too but it will most likely be a while until I am able to
process it into something... but I do have some plans to do something with it.
Taos Tri-State Photos by Brian
******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE
From: mark.morgan-02 @ scott.af.mil
Date: 2009-Jun-18 10:28:11 MDT
Security: Signed (MORGAN.MARK.L.1146104998)
Jim - Wow, most impressive!
******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE
From: russ.mcd @ msn.com
Date: 2009-Jun-18 10:50:05 MDT
Jim, As usual, AWESOME job on the report, truly a first class job.
Especially so since you got a great shot of my car and engine!! ha ha
Did you have trouble getting all the numbers?
Thanks for all your hard work.
Russ
|| From: jimp @ unm.edu
|| Date: 2009-Jun-18 10:53:36 MDT
|| To: russ.mcd @ msn.com
|| Hi Russ,
|| I called Steve Goodman in Denver and he quickly
|| identified every (!) car and driver I could not.
******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE
From: blairylar @ hotmail.com
Date: 2009-Jun-18 11:06:53 MDT
Beautiful.
******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE
From: obros @ gbta.net
Date: 2009-Jun-18 11:18:33 MDT
Jim, Thanks for the update.
I only wish I could attend, I miss seeing all you folks,
thanks again - Lee Olsen
******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE
From: tarmo @ juno.com
Date: 2009-Jun-18 13:19:43 MDT
Jim, This is quite a "report." You've definitely set
the standard for future Tri-State reporting.
Great Job!!! Tarmo & Kay
******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE
From: McNAMARA,MARY [cnm.edu]
Date: 2009-Jun-19 17:10:00 MDT
Thanks for including me on the mailing list.
A few comments/observations:
I guess you get to be CNM (because you were CNM before TVI became CNM) ;-)
I am pretty sure Mike Stickler and I went to grade school together.
I think the red convertable is the car I see in the north campus parking
lot. (It didn't have nice white seats last time I saw it.) I remember
asking the fellow if he knew Jim Pittman and he told me,
"I knew him before I was born". !!!
=-================-=
THE CLUB'S 35th ANNIVERSARY PARTY
The 2009 Anniversary Luncheon was a success.
Ray Trujillo received the IKE MEISSNER AWARD for 2009 at the Luncheon!
(click photo for larger view)
=-================-=
CORVAIRS IN ELGIN, ILLINOIS
Subject: newsletter stuff
From: Corvair66 @ aol.com
Date: 2009-Sep-17 16:09:53 MDT
My Dad just sent me an old book about my hometown. The town he
has lived in all his life. Browsing through it and found these
nice articles and pictures.
David Huntoon
(click photos for larger view)
=-================-=
FORMER MEMBER WAYNE CHRISTGAU CONGRATULATIONS
Whom should we see in the September issue of ICE (the Iowa Corvair Connection)
but our former member Wayne Christgau! Fame and Fortune seem to follow him. We
wonder if he still has the famous 500,000-mile 1969 Monza coupe?
(click photo for larger view)
=-================-=
SPY PHOTOS - CASH FOR CLUNKERS VEHICLES
CNM Exclusive News Story
Our CNM sleuth came up with pictures of Cash for Clunkers vehicles!
Thanks to master spy "RG" for the photos. Do the license plates really
say "666666" or is that an illusion?
(click photos for larger view)
=-================-=
THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
(contributed by Chuck Vertrees)
My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."
My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that comes out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week."
My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so! That's why."
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth, and eat your supper."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
My mother taught me about the WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father."
My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in the world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
=-================-=
ON THE FIRST DAY
From: jj ww [ forwarded by Chuck Vertrees ]
Sent: Thursday, August 13, 2009 9:29 AM
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or
walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give
you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks
to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit
on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me
for this valuable information.
=-================-=
BUBBA AND EARL
Bubba and Earl were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
Bubba said, "Look up ahead yonder, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock. We're
gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin'
these beers. Then we'll peel off the labels and stick 'um on our foreheads,
and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl.
They finished their beers, peeled off the labels, threw the empty bottles
under the seat, and each stuck a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl. "We're on the patch!"
=-================-=
THOUGHTS FOR TODAY
Birds of a feather flock together ....
and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.
It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved ....
is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight ....
By then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house ....
is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitate ....
is probably right.
Did you ever notice ....
that the Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL.'
If you think there is good in everybody ....
you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong ....
you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name ....
so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.
Did you ever notice:
When you put the two words 'THE' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know why I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
The older we get ....
the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth ....
think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old ....
when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging ....
it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful ....
but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up
your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called
witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
=-================-=
BANANAS
A professor at CCNY for a physiological psychology class told his students about
bananas.
He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the
brain. Read on:
Never put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined
with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of
energy.
Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous
90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's
leading athletes.
But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help
overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it
a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people
suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is
because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts
into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make
you feel happier.
PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood
glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the
blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet
low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the U. S.
Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make
official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and
stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) England school were helped
through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch
in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the
potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore
normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to
laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana
milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help
of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and
re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer
from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar
levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the
affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly
successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found
pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps.
Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more
likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid
panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by
snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders
because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be
eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes
over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that
can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In
Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born
with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they
contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking.
The vitamines B6 and B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium
found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends
oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are
stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These
can be re-balanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating
bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as
much as 40%!
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a
wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side
out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an
apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the
phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and
minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around
So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a
day keeps the doctor away!'
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one
here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and
rub directly on the shoe... polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit!
=-================-=
WHAT GOES AROUND......
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
=-================-=
IMPONDERABLES.....
Do fish get thirsty?
Are unripened oranges called greens?
Did Noah include termites on the ark?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
How can the cemetery raise its burial fees and blame it on the cost of living?
How could I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I've only been driving for
10 minutes?
How do you dial a pushbutton phone?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" and I wondered, who is supposed
to read this? the dog?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If you learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius?
If the world is spinning so fast why don't we all get dizzy?
If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon to the pan?
If we weren't meant to keep starting over, why do we have Mondays?
If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do we call it "breakfast"?
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?
If there's so much laborsaving machinery, why don't I have more free time?
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn
on the headlights?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?
Since light travels faster than sound, do some people appear bright until you
hear them speak?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only
endangered plants?
Was it a rich or a smart person who said: "Money can't buy happiness"?
We have lived through the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. Are we
now living through the noughties?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Why call it a building if it's already been built?
Why are wise men and wise guys the exact opposites?
Why are they called "apartments" when they are together?
Who puts the thin ice sign in the middle of the thin ice?
Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
What would the world be like without hypothetical situations?
Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything?
What is listed as the hair color on a driver's license of a bald headed man?
Why do they have ear piercing while you wait? Is there some shop where you
can drop them off and pick them up later?
Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why do they leave out the letter B on "Garage Sale" signs?
Why does night fall but never break and day breaks but never falls?
Why do we always want to grow up when we're young and be younger when we're old?
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
=-================-=
MONEY
For money you can have everything it is said. No, that is not true.
You can buy food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; soft
beds, but not sleep; knowledge but not intelligence; glitter, but
not comfort; fun, but not pleasure; acquaintances, but not
friendship; servants, but not faithfulness; grey hair, but not
honor; quiet days, but not peace. The shell of all things you can
get for money. But not the kernel. That cannot be had for money.
(Arne Garborg, writer 1851-1924)
=-================-=
WHAT PETS WRITE
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary......
Day 983 of my captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due
to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use
it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe.... for now.
[ contributed by Wendell - 13-Dec-2008 ]
=-================-=
ALMOST ONE-LINERS
From: Rolfe @ ieway.com (Tim Rolfe)
Subject: Optical exercise web site
Did you hear about the web site with eye exercises to help
alleviate eyestrain when you've been working on-line too long?
It's a site for sore eyes.
[=]
From: jokeotday-owner @ listbot.com (Seals)
Subject: Shuttlecock eating dog
My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday.
Bad Minton.
[=]
From: bassmstr @ westol.com (Steve Bassler)
Subject: IRS
I called the IRS the other day. A Chinese woman answered. I
guess the administration is trying to cut out the middle man.
[=]
From: leflora @ vzinet.com
Subject: Raising kids the right way
Bring up your child in the way he should go...
and when he is grown, he'll sue you.
[=]
From: jokeotday-owner @ listbot.com (Seals)
Subject: Men and mad cow disease
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Men are pigs.
[=]
From: felix @ nice.usergroup.ethz.ch (Felix Rauch)
Organization: NiCE - NeXT User Group, Zuerich, Switzerland
Subject: Trendy vacuum cleaner
At the computer science department of ETH Zurich, the cleaning
staff uses a funny little vacuum cleaner that is round, orange
and has an Apple-sticker on it.
They call it "The iVac".
[=]
From: charles.egert @ wanadoo.fr (Charles Egert)
Subject: dental humor
Then there was my dentist in Paris who I heard one day mutter
half to himself while examining my teeth "I could fix that
but you'll be dead before it starts really bothering you."
[=]
From: jokeotday-owner @ listbot.com (Seals)
Subject: Plumber with distraught woman
Joe the Plumber is trying to placate a woman in her flooded kitchen.
"Please, madam," he says to her, "Crying will only make it worse."
[=]
From: ando4 @ earthlink.net (Jonathan Anderson)
Subject: Puns
Heralds don't pun. They cant.
[=]
From: dselesky @ ma.ultranet.com (Don Selesky)
Subject: Updated proverb for this millenium
Give a man a fish, and you've fed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and you can sell him a ton of accessories.
[=]
From: lyndale @ argonet.co.uk (Luke Anders)
Subject: Petrol crisis
Q: What costs $132 a barrel and uses vulgar language?
A: Crude oil.
[=]
From: holly @ golightly.com (Jan Moliere)
Subject: e.e. cummings last service call
"That's right; the upper-case shift works fine on the screen, but
they're not coming out on the damn printer... Hold? Sure, I'll hold."
[=]
From: amack @ airmail.net (A Mack)
Subject: gambling problem
I went to Isleta Casino and I saw a sign on the wall that said:
"If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."
So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has
a seven. What do I do?"
[=]
From roberto @ beisbol.org
Subject: old story
We was playin' the Homestead Grays in the city of Pitchburgh.
Josh [Gibson] comes up in the last of the ninth with a man on
and us a run behind. Well, he hit one. The Grays waited around
and waited around, but finally the empire rules it ain't comin'
down. So we win.
The next day, we was disputin' the Grays in Philadelphia when
here come a ball outta the sky right in the glove of the Grays'
center fielder. The empire made the only possible call.
"You're out, boy!" he says to Josh. "Yesterday, in Pitchburgh."
-- Satchel Paige
[=]
From: imapc @ imamac.org
Subject: Vista Beer
Vista Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's
wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes
more like Windows XP Beer. It comes in 64-oz cans, but when you
look inside, the cans only have 32 oz of beer in them. Most
people intend to keep drinking Windows XP Beer until their friends
try Vista Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when
you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that
came in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is
an entirely new brew.
=-================-=
LIFE AND A CAN OF BEER
From: mgw1979 @ hotmail.com (MGW)
Subject: Life and a Can of Beer
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some
items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he
picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded
to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed
that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles
rolled into the open areas between golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it
into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the
table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want
you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf
balls are the important things -- your family, your children,
your health, your friends, your favorite passions -- things
that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your
life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job,
your house, your car.
"The sand is everything else--the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there
is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for
life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room for the things that are important to
you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your
happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical
checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the
disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of beers."
=-================-=
EXCERPT FROM A BBC INTERVIEW WITH JOHN FOWLES FROM OCTOBER 1977
Reference:
http://www.fowlesbooks.com/BBC%20interview.htm
FOWLES: I'm not a political being really. One of my theories is that the
problems facing the world at the moment cannot be dealt with
politically. I would much rather see a takeover by the sociologists
and biologists. I think we're facing a biological crisis now and I
don't think the terms of contemporary politics really meet the
situation at all.
BRAGG: Biological crisis in terms of ...?
FOWLES: In terms of overpopulation.
BRAGG: Energy resources ...
FOWLES: Energy resources, pollution and all the rest of it.
BRAGG: You don't think those are being brought under control?
FOWLES: I don't think they're being brought under control. I don't see how
they can be, when the question is discussed nine-tenths of the time,
in terms of labour and capital and all Tories and Labour party. The
French have a new group. They call themselves "les Verts". An
analogy with "les Rouges", the Reds. Now, if we had a Green Party
in this country I should join that at once. That is, an ecological
and a scientifically based country. I think only the scientists can
really run society now and make decisions about the future.
BRAGG: Do you think it's ever likely to come about that they'll be given
the chance to?
FOWLES: Philosophers be kings? No, not until there's an appalling bloodbath
and a universal catastrophe.
=-================-=
=END=
Miscellaneous Items.....
Updated 22-Nov-2009 ==== Copyright (c) 2009 Corvairs of New Mexico
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