Updated 22-Aug-2021 = Copyright (c) 2021 Corvairs of New Mexico      


  • Map showing locations of CORSA chapters
  • The Fitch Sprint Story / Fitch Sprint Auction
  • The Yenko Stinger Story - Bob Helt, Vegas Vairs
  • More Yenko Stinger Story - Caveman Pete - Detroit
  • Austin-Healey 3000 Mk III Four-speed with Overdrive
  • Letters to the Editor
  • Corvairs in Elgin, Illinois
  • Just for Fun.....
  • More Philosophy Lessons..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAP SHOWING LOCATIONS OF CORSA CHAPTERS
  • Map compiled by Gary Moore in KC.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UPDATE TO THE FITCH SPRINT STORY From the July 2014 "FLAT SIX" Prairie Capital Corvair Association FITCH PHOENIX SOLD AT AUCTION FOR $230,000 "Thanks to the concerted efforts of Wayne Carini (Velocity's "Chasing Classic Cars"), Journalist Don Klein, and the Fitch Family, the late John Fitch's pride and joy - the one and only Fitch Phoenix -- went to the Bonham's auction at the Greenwich Concours Sunday, June 1. [2014] Given appropriate display space just feet from the auction stage, the Phoenix was the center of attention. After bidders went back and forth, at 2:42 p.m. the gavel came down on its sale to Mr. Charles Mallory of Greenwich, Conn. A collector with eclectic tastes, Mr. Mallory was not there to simply add to his stable: "This was by far my most emotional purchase," Mallory said shortly afterward. "I loved John, I love Lime Rock, I really feel the Phoenix belongs in Connecticut. I'm very happy for not just me, but everyone who understands what this is about." The Phoenix went for $230,000 (137,278 British pounds, 168,665 Euros). Look for a "Chasing Classic Cars" episode covering the Phoenix and the auction this fall on the Velocity Channel. === From PETE KOEHLER, noted Corvair Enthusiasts, AKA Caveman Pete for his fondness of 1960 Corvairs: John Fitch commissioned Frank Risner of Intermechanica in Italy to build the Phoenix prototype and then a series of 500 total units after that. The first and only one built started off life as a 1965 Corsa coupe. Simple reason? It was the only Corvair available to them in Italy at the time of construction. It had the base 140 engine and optional 4-speed transmission. Once completed and shipped back to the USA the Phoenix suffered a dropped valve seat just before it was to be unveiled in New York City at Abercrombie & Fitch (no relation). A late night thrash at the Fitch Works in Falls Village, CT swapped out the ailing powertrain with the only other one available to John on short notice: his personal demo Sprint - the white and blue 1966 Corsa coupe. John told me they just swapped out the entire powertrain in the interest of time. That is how the Phoenix ended up with a 1966 engine and a Saginaw 4-speed. After the original Phoenix engine was repaired the guys at the shop just put the 1965 powertrain back in the '66 Sprint. That is the engine that is still in the car as it sits on display at the Saratoga Auto Museum in Saratoga Springs, NY. When John Fitch was still alive I offered to trade engines with him giving him the correct original Phoenix engine in exchange for the correct original Sprint engine. We never made the swap. I could also tell you about the time that John offered to sell me the Phoenix for $10,000. That was back in 1979 and ten grand was so far out of my price range that I had to say no. Talk about a missed opportunity? === From KEN SCHIFFTNER A few years ago, NJACE did a Tech Session at Brian O'NeiLs Garage Mahal to work on the Phoenix. This effort was in preparation for its display at the Upper Saddle River NJ Memorial Day car show. Rich Ribble applied his wiring talents on the electrics of the vehicle (which were a mess) and David Main and others did extensive cosmetic work... mostly on the wheels. I worked a bit on the carburetors which were four (4) Rochester "primaries" with some very clever "linkage". I believe the Phoenix literature mentioned Webers but the carbs were Rochesters. The linkage was essentially a "trip" between the primaries and the secondaries. If I recall correctly, the "secondaries" also had accelerator pumps but the actuator was modified to squirt later (after the butterfly was open further). The mechanism looked like it had been modified repeatedly. I'd guess John Fitch had less interested in getting slowly to the next slop light than pedal to the metal acceleration. NJACE got it running and the vehicle went back to CT. I believe John Fitch drove it at least once thereafter. Then back into storage. In preparation for the Sturbridge Convention where the Phoenix was also displayed, the Phoenix was trailered to MA by (I believe) Bob Marlow. The engine had developed a noise so it was not run. At about 6:00 AM the day of the Convention John Edgerton and I pushed it outside and gave it a bath. We also cleaned up the interior (dust, etc. from storage). I believe it also received a waxing... but no further mechanical work. It was and is a very clever vehicle and certainly "rare" is a proper adjective. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE FITCH SPRINT STORY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * John Cooper Fitch (August 4, 1917 - October 31, 2012) died at age 95. * Fitch was a United States racecar driver and inventor. He was the first * American to race automobiles successfully in Europe in the postwar era. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * An American Hero's Prototype Sports Car to be Featured at Franklin Lakes Car Show on May 30 2011 Contact: Bob Marlow 201-707-1677 [ Vairted @ optonline.net ] Midland Park, N.J. The Corvair powered, Italian-bodied 1966 Fitch Phoenix sports car, the only one ever built, will be among the attractions at the 35th Annual Franklin Lakes Car Show and Flea Market on May 30, as part of a special display highlighting the 50th anniversary of the Chevrolet Corvair. The show is conducted by the Jersey Lakeland Region of the Vintage Chevrolet Club of America and sponsored by Paramus Auto Mall and Cadillac of Mahwah. The Corvair, an air-cooled, rear-engine compact car from Chevrolet, was introduced as a 1960 model, and not long thereafter Connecticut-based World War II fighter pilot, sports car racer and highway safety advocate John Fitch began marketing Corvairs modified for enhanced performance and comfort. The cars were known as Fitch Sprints. When the second-generation Corvair was introduced for 1965, Fitch not only continued to modify the cars into Sprints, he also designed a two-seat targa-topped roadster based on the Corvair mechanicals, which was to go into production as the Fitch Phoenix. With a stunning body hand-crafted by Intermeccanica in Turin, a leather interior, and a modified six-cylinder Corvair engine, the Phoenix debuted in New York City to rave reviews and strong initial orders. But just as production was to begin, the National Highway and Traffic Safety Act was implemented, requiring automakers to crash-test their cars. Crash testing was not in the budget for Fitch's small operation, and the Phoenix project was canceled. The prototype car was the only one built, and it is that car that will be on display in Franklin Lakes, one week before its appearance at the prestigious Greenwich Concours in Connecticut. Fitch, now 92 years of age and not yet retired from advocacy on behalf of highway and racing safety, has retained ownership of the car through the years and still drives it regularly. Its appearance in Franklin Lakes is being facilitated by the members of the New Jersey Association of Corvair Enthusiasts. An additional two dozen Corvairs will be part of the anniversary display, along with prototype Corvair engines built by Chevrolet in the mid-sixties, early wind tunnel models, and more. Corvairs were built in a wide range of body styles, including trucks and vans, all of which will be on view at the show along with stock and race-modified Corvair cars. John Fitch studied civil engineering at Lehigh University, and in 1941 volunteered for the US Army Air Corps. During the war he was credited with shooting down a German Messerschmitt jet while piloting the propeller-driven P-51 Mustang. Two months before the end of the war he was shot down himself while making a strafing pass on an Axis train and spent the rest of the war as a prisoner. Following the war Fitch began racing sports cars and ultimately became the first American to drive for the Mercedes-Benz factory team. It was during this period that Fitch participated in the renowned 24 Hour of LeMans, where in 1955 a horrific crash involving his Mercedes teammate spurred Fitch's enduring interest in matters of safety. Among Fitch's contributions to safety are the near-ubiquitous sand-filled barrels at highway barriers, a design he demonstrated to skeptics by personally driving into them at high speed. In 2005, at the age of 88, Fitch was still racing, piloting a vintage Mercedes in pursuit of a land-speed record at Bonneville. That effort was chronicled in a riveting 2006 PBS documentary, A Gullwing At Twilight: The Bonneville Ride of John Fitch. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE YENKO STINGER STORY: BY CAVEMAN PETE K REFERENCE: Detroit Area Corvair Club === February 2019 200 GRAND FOR A CORVAIR? Caveman Pete K The Corvair on-line fraternity is all abuzz about the recent sale of a Yenko Stinger Corvair for $220,000 all in. It happened at the Mecum Auction in Kissimmee, Florida over this past weekend. So what makes a Corvair worth that much money? Good question... The Yenko Stinger was a special version of a 1966 Corvair Corsa coupe. Pittsburgh-area Chevy Dealer Don Yenko wanted to go SCCA racing with a Corvair, but he knew it would need some basic modi@ications to be competitive in the class he was aiming at. His solution was genius. He was able to use a little known ordering procedure to make some adjustments to the stock Corsa coupe. A little later on this procedure known as COPO, or Central Of@ice Production Order would be used many times over to stuff huge engines into smaller Chevies to make them go real fast and eventually make them worth a whole lot of $$$. But the @irst use of this trick was by Mr. Yenko to make his idea of a competitive Corvair racecar a reality. Yenko Chevrolet was not a mega dealer. His average business for a year back then was closer to 250 cars, or "units" as folks in the trade called them. SCCA required a minimum of 100 cars to be built to the same speci@ications in order to be allowed to run in a production car class. This was known as homologation. Don Yenko was not a rich man either. For him to buy 100 Corvairs from Chevrolet to modify for SCCA racing would cost a chunk of change. He had to make special arrangements with GM's @inancing arm, GMAC to get the orders approved and the cars shipped to his small lot in Cannonsburg, PA. In fact even his lot wasn't big enough to hold that many "extra" cars so they were scattered around town just a bit. The story goes that when the SCCA inspectors came by to see if in fact he had built 100 Stingers they fell short by a couple. When called out on this error Don's response was that he had already sold a few. It is interesting now to look back and think that the cost to Yenko Chevrolet for the original order of 100 Corvair Corsa coupes to be turned into Yenko Stingers was just about what YS-074 sold for at the auction. MY BRUSH WITH FAME AND FORTUNE Caveman Pete K By now you probably have heard the story of the Corvair Yenko Stinger that sold for over $200,000 at auction recently. Yes, that is a lot of zeros! Only 100 1966 Corsa coupes were in the @irst batch of Stingers sold by Yenko Sportscars. They were numbered YS-001 through YS-100. Back in 1966 if you wanted to go production sedan racing in your Corvair you had to have a Yenko Stinger Corvair. Race cars lead a hard life. Many times they experience a "shunt" while on-track. That means that they crashed! Crashed race cars are rebuilt and raced again. That means they could get another shunt, or worse. So some of the original 100 Stingers were seeing the inside of a body shop and sometimes the basic body shell was too twisted to be repairable. Enter the body swap! Nobody knows how many of the original Stingers kept their original bodywork from the good folks at Fisher Body, but it did happen. If the "new" body didn't display the required Yenko "YS tag" it wasn't allowed to race. Don Yenko had a novel solution to this issue; for a fee ($50?) he would sell you a new tag that you could put on your Corvair and viola! Now you could race. I know of at least a few Corvairs that were converted to Yenko status with a handy little tag. Eventually SCCA loosened up the rules and let just any late model Corvair coupe run in the production class with or without a YS tag affixed to it. But what about my opening statement about fame and fortune? Several years ago I was able to buy a Yenko Stinger. It was YS-063 and just eleven units away from the one that garnered 200 grand at the auction recently. The one I bought wasn't in very good shape. The price? How about $1500? It was a gutted race car with no powertrain and in fact no dash panel. Not just the instrument cluster, but all of the metal inside of the windshield was cut out by a previous racer in an effort to reduce weight and go faster. The saving grace was that it had a title and it still had it's YS tag riveted to the car. I didn't buy the car for myself. A racer friend in Ontario had always dreamed of owning a real live Yenko Stinger but even then the prices for completed ones was out of reach. When this one showed up for a very reasonable price "we" jumped at it. I say we because the car was in New Jersey and he was just outside of Toronto. I was tasked with a trip to the East Coast to collect the car and then deliver it to my friend. We met at the crossing of the St. Lawrence River at Gananoque, Ontario. At a gas stop some guy was checking out the tattered race car on my trailer. He knew what he was looking at and asked if "it" was real (he knew it looked like a Yenko). I said yes. He asked what "number". I said 63 (out of the original 100 built). He did make an offer to purchase just the YS tag and the paperwork but that was not the plan for this car. I met my friend and the car went home with him. YS-063 has been totally restored and looks beautiful today. I guess with the sale of YS-074 for big bucks my friend should be smiling! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UPDATE TO THE YENKO STINGER STORY: BY BOB HELT, VEGAS VAIRS REFERENCES: http://www.corvair.org/chapters/chapter891/newsletters/vv2009_12.pdf http://www.corvair.org/chapters/chapter891/newsletters/vv2010_01.pdf The Yenko Stinger Story by Bob Helt In 1964, when the news was released to Chevrolet Dealers that there would be a new high-performance Corvair and engine for 1965, Don Yenko, General Manager of his father's Yenko Chevrolet dealership in Canonsburg, Pennsylvania, was very interested. Don, was a long-time SCCA Corvette racer and he foresaw great possibilities in this new vehicle. Of course this was the 1965 Corvair Corsa with the 140-horsepower engine that drew Don's interest. So he bought one of the 1965 Corsas and, using it as the racing prototype, began to see what it would do. During all of 1965 Don continued to be favorable impressed with this cars performance in various racing events. With the 1965 rear suspension design, and Heavy Duty handling package with quick steering, Don was convinced that the handling was so good, the chassis was not going to require much effort to make it competitive in SCCA racing events. But while the handling was great, the engine just didn't have enough power to keep up with the competition. So with the help of a mutual friend, Don was able to get famous racer Stirling Moss to do a test drive of his new machine. Expecting an unfavorable report, to Don's surprise, Stirling also found the handling to be superb but lacking in performance otherwise. He is quoted as saying, "It handles as well as any production Sports Car and better than most." So sometime during the year, Don went to Chevrolet and discussed the possibility of making the 140-hp Corsa into a race car for SCCA competition. As the story is told, Chevrolet management already saw the publicity possibilities there and was quite receptive. So they turned Don over to a small group of Corvair engineers who were already doing R&D development work on these engines. Thus, was the team of Dick Rutherford, Don Stoeckel and Jerry Thompson (R.S.T. Engineering) formed and supported by Chevrolet. RST did the development work and testing to convert normal 140-hp production engines into competitive race engines for Don. By the end of 1965, RST was getting a real 210 dyno horsepower (later 220-hp) from their highly modified 140-hp engines. This impressed Don sufficiently for him to place a vehicle order with Chevrolet for 100 Corsa Sport Coupes. This quantity was the minimum number required by the SCCA for homogation. But since these were standard production cars, all engine modifications had to be handled separately, with relatively simple modifications being done at the Yenko dealership and the true SCCA race engines prepared by RST Engineering and dyno tested at Chevrolet. Chevrolet promoted Don's program by authorizing him to use the "Stinger" name, which they already owned. They also made available several non-production accessories to be optionally installed on these 100 vehicles, such as dual master cylinder braking systems and 3.89:1 rear-axle-ratio differentials. Don took delivery of these 100 1966 4-speed Corsas in December of 1965 and modified them into three different "stages" of tune according to the customer's desires and Stinger specifications. All Stingers used manual 4-speed transmissions as standard equipment. STAGE I STINGERS Stage I was designated for "street use" and gave the Stinger a distinctive outward appearance with fiberglass rear-pillar landau panels and Stinger emblems, special fiberglass engine lid and white external body paint with dark blue striping. Mild engine modifications were included such as tuned exhaust headers and calibrated carburetors. The Stage I engine was rated at 160-horsepower (probably at 5200 RPM), but this was likely gross horsepower and comparable to the 140-hp rating of the production engine. STAGE II STINGERS Stage II was designated for "High-Speed Touring". It also included all of the Stage I items, but the engine was modified with substantial improvements. Piston clearances were increased and the pistons were notched for valve clearance. The compression ratio was increased to 10:1, and a "high-performance cam" was installed (with appropriate rev kit). While some Stinger documents state that this was the same 300-degree camshaft as used in the Stage III engines, other Stinger documents indicate that a different, less radical camshaft was used for the Stage II engines. Possibly, initial Stage II engines, rated at 175-hp, used a less radical camshaft while later Stage II engines used the Stage III 300-degree camshaft to achieve the 190-hp rating. So a question remains as to what camshaft or camshafts were really used for Stage II engines. This question is raised because of the possibility of over-camming a street-vehicle with the 300-degree racing camshaft and losing low-speed performance. The #4 main bearing was replaced with an intermediate-type bearing, and all main bearing clearances were set to Yenko specs. The flywheel was lightened and bolted. Carburetor turn cut-out fixes were installed. The Stage II engine developed 175 dyno-horsepower initially (probably at around 5800 RPM) and later 190-hp. STAGE III STINGERS Stage III was Don's all-out entry to SCCA sanctioned racing. It had everything the Stages I and II had, plus additional extensive engine work, with a 300-degree "Super High-Performance" racing cam (and rev kit), forged 0.040" O/S pistons and ported heads with a 10.5 CR. Engines were penetrant inspected and balanced. In addition, there were many other engine modifications. Carburetors were highly modified for racing with the throttle bores increased to 1-1/2". This engine was initially dyno tested to produce 210-horsepower (likely at around 6000 RPM) and in January 1967 increased to 220-hp. To ensure engine reliability and durability, Don set normal maximum RPM limits of all his engines at 6000; and 6200 if the engine was balanced. In a pinch he recommended an absolute maximum RPM of 6300 (not balanced) and 6600 (if balanced). As far as is known, there were a total of only eight Stage III engines built. The first two were built by RST Engineering at Chevrolet for the initial racing effort. Both engines powered Stingers in the 1966 Refrigerator Bowl race in January at Marlboro, MD. Later, after July, six more engines were built, probably at the dealership by Yenko's staff. Yenko Stingers were homologated by the SCCA and placed in the D/P class (D Production) which was somewhat of a disappointment to Don because of the high- performance cars the Stinger would have to compete against in that class. But despite this apparent handicap, and the fact that much of the competition was factory sponsored with considerable money and technical help available to them, Stingers won many 1966 championships. A most notable 1967 win was by Jerry Thompson in his Stinger YS-005 who won the D/P class National Championship in 1967. What a wonderful and little known fact! A Corvair Yenko Stinger was SCCA D-Production Class National Champion in 1967! During this season, it was clocked at 132 miles per hour at Daytona. 1967 STATUS Unfortunately, Chevrolet had intended to terminate all Corvair production at the end of the 1966 model year. But marketing conditions along with Ralph Nader's book, Unsafe At Any Speed, caused them to re-assess this decision and so Corvair production was continued for three more model years. However, both the 140-hp engine (along with the turbocharged engine -- which Yenko never used in his Stingers) and the Corsa model were discontinued for 1967 at the start of the model year. With the discontinuance of the 140-hp engine, Don saw his Stinger program (which by this time was doing quite well) heading for oblivion. So with a plea to Chevrolet (some people say directly to Ed Cole) to reinstate the 140-hp engine, Chevrolet did put it back into production as a Central Office Production Option (COPO) option. This meant that Corvairs with the 140-hp engine could be ordered by all of the dealers sometime after January 1967 (However, an air-conditioning option was not available on these cars since both the 140-hp engine and the optional Air Injection Reactor [AIR] system -- required on cars delivered in California -- teamed together, presented an engine-cooling problem). The COPO ordering system was one previously set up by GM to handle fleet orders that might have special vehicle requirements. Don, thus, was able to order 25 Monzas with 140-hp engines (all with an engine code of RM) and took delivery of these during February of 1967. Apparently, only 14 of these cars were converted to Stingers with the rest being sold as ordinary Corvairs. In March 1967, the 140-hp engine COPO was extended to include the optional Powerglide automatic transmission (which now meant a different 140-hp engine with the 4-degree retarded 95-hp camshaft). Three additional Stingers with the AIR system were later delivered to the Dana Chevrolet dealership in Los Angeles, California directly from the factory. Since these Stingers were "made" at the Chevrolet factory (and not by Yenko), it is not clear just how this was accomplished. With the decreasing importance of the Corvair at Chevrolet, engine development and dyno testing was now done by Gulf Oil Research (which was close to the Yenko dealership), a long time supporter of Don's racing efforts. Research has shown that only 279 140-hp engines were produced for 1967. Of course, not all of these engines went into Stingers, some were installed and sold in standard Corvairs. Of these 279 engines, 165 were with manual transmissions, and 114 with the Powerglide automatic transmission. Included in these numbers were eleven engines with the AIR system as required for delivery in California (six with MT and five with PG). For 1967, RST Engineering developed a new close-ratio 4-speed manual transmission for Don's Stingers (modified from the stock 4-speed) that reduced the gaps between the gear ratios and made a reduction in lap times possible. Apparently, only three of these close-ratio transmissions were ever built. LATER YEARS With the 140-hp engine a standard production option again in 1968 and 1969, Yenko continued to produce Corvair Stingers for years, modifying both new Monzas and also existing Corvairs to Stinger standards; and also selling kits for Corvair owners to do the same. The total number of Stingers produced is unknown, but is estimated to be fewer than 200. Don Yenko died in a crash in March 1987 when he was trying to land his aircraft at Charleston, West Virginia.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AUSTIN-HEALEY WITH FOUR-SPEED AND ELECTRIC OVERDRIVE The following article appeared in the Miata Internet newsgroup: http://miata.net/ >> Electric overdrive? What's that? > > Some British cars of the '50s and '60s were offered with an optional > Laycock-deNormanville overdrive unit. It was a separate gearbox > installed on the rear of the transmission, activated by an electric > switch on the dash or shift lever, which usually worked in all but the > lowest forward gear. That is, being British, when they worked at all... > -- > Lanny Chambers, St. Louis, USA > '94C > the alignment page: > http://www.hummingbirds.net/alignment.html From: Jim Pittman, CORVAIRS OF NEW MEXICO Date: April 2003 Time for one of my Austin-Healey 3000 Mk III stories. My 1965 Healey had a four-speed with electric overdrive. It worked only on third and fourth gears, controlled by a toggle switch on the dash. How were first, second and reverse prohibited from working with the overdrive? There was another switch mounted on (or maybe in) the gearbox. When the shift lever was on the RIGHT side of the H-pattern (and therefore in 3rd or 4th gears) the gearbox switch was turned on and the dash switch could control the overdrive. When the shift lever was to the LEFT side of the H-pattern (and therefore in 1st or 2nd or reverse) overdrive was off and the dash switch didn't do anything. The overdrive was great when cruising down the highway in fourth, but the third overdrive ratio was pretty useless since it was nearly the same as fourth direct. But, with the overdrive you had a six-speed gearbox! Well, really a five-speed since third OD and fourth direct were so close. Now, the Healey had a stump-puller (i.e., very low) ratio for first gear, and the second gear ratio was pretty low as well. Then there was a big gap to the third gear ratio, and then a smaller gap to fourth. If you plotted them on paper they might look like this: I found when shifting up (or down) through the gears, that gap between second and third was very irritating because after the shift your RPMs would tend to be too low (or too high) for the next gear. I never learned why a sports car with race car pretensions had such gear ratios, which seemed to me so irritating in normal town and highway driving. Someone suggested that it would be easy to disable the gearbox-mounted switch, making the overdrive available in every gear (including reverse) but warned that you should only actually use it with second because the torque in first would damage the overdrive unit, and NEVER NEVER NEVER use it in reverse. But, if you could limit yourself to second gear, you'd get a much neater set of gear ratios, like this: In effect, you'd have a seven-speed gearbox! Well, really a six-speed since third OD and fourth direct were so close. It did not take me long to disable that switch. Then I spent a lot of time mounting a thumb-operated switch ON THE GEARSHIFT KNOB so I could change into and out of overdrive while shifting! Wow! Was this a neat toy or what! I would switch off OD, start in first, shift to second, switch to OD in second, shift to third while simultaneously switching off OD, switch on OD in third, and finally shift to fourth, still in OD. Complicated? Yes, but part of the challenge of driving a sports car is learning how to use the transmission efficiently. It soon became a skill. I tried to always use the clutch when switching in and out of overdrive in order to save gear train wear. It just seemed to me that making the car lurch when you switched into or out of overdrive couldn't be good. It would make a great story of youthful folley if I could tell you that within a week I accidentally engaged overdrive at 5,500 RPM in first gear and shelled the overdrive unit, but actually I was very careful and only used OD in second, third and fourth and never had any problems with it. The switch mounted on the gearshift knob was a great improvement and I enjoyed using it a lot. I only had my 1965 Austin-Healey 3000 Mk III for a year. When I sold the car I carefully explained to the new owner why he should NEVER NEVER NEVER use the overdrive switch in first or reverse. He indicated that he understood. He bought the car and we went on our separate ways. I never found out whether he obeyed my warning and lived happily ever after, or whether one day he accidentally engaged overdrive in first gear at 5,500 RPM and shelled the overdrive unit. - Jim Pittman - 1996 Miata - 1990 Civic - 1965 Corvair LETTERS TO THE EDITOR ******* ******* SUBJECT: CLUB WEB PAGES (modified from a 2007 Email message) Over the years I have seen many web pages set up by organizations and individuals. Many follow this pattern: 1. Enthusiasm: Energetic initial activity to set it up 2. Maintenance: Do day-to-day updates to keep up with current events 3. Reality: Realize that keeping the page current is a boring chore 4. Improvements: Adding exciting bells & whistles "because you can" 5. Reality: Realize that bells & whistles greatly increase the chore 6. Stagnation: Loss of interest resulting in neglect of the page 7. Collapse: The webmaster goes away and no one else will take over I suppose CNM's web page is a success story. It's only possible because of "The Little Guy" in the back of my head -- you know, the one who has been editing our newsletter every month since February 1978. He does all the work, day by day and month by month. He accomplished Step 1 during several weeks, and so far is playing happily in Step 2. If "The Little Guy" ever goes on strike or takes an extended vacation, our web page will immediately go to Step 7 and die. To keep "The Little Guy" ignorant of Steps 3 and 5, I try to avoid any temptations to let him start playing in Step 4. My guiding principle since day one has been to keep everything as simple as possible. Since my web page lives within the UNIX operating system on my University computer account and since I have been a computer geek for some 45 years, I have a lot of control of the web page contents without needing expensive, hard-to-use, time-consuming, inefficient software. Other webmasters may not be so fortunate. Actually, to be optimistic, there could be two more Steps: 8. Start Over: A new person volunteers to become webmaster, leading to: 9. Go to Step 1 and continue. ******* ******* On Wed, 08 Dec 2010, Bill Lawless wrote: I just had a chance to read the e-mail you sent about Sylvan's passing. It was very touching. Tarmo had forwarded it to me. I miss all you guys and wish I didn't live so far away or I'd still be coming to the meetings. I haven't had a Corvair in almost 10 yrs now. I wish I was still involved but I have no place to work on a project car or even store one currently. My favorite magazine is Hemming's Classic Car which occasionally spotlites Corvairs. Bill Lawless ******* ******* On Tue, 26 Oct 2010, Richard & Annette Travis wrote: Just want to say how much I look forward to your newsletter each month and to give you a update on my e-mail addresses We have had a change in our home e-mail address the new address is annettetravis @ commspeed.net my work address remains the same travisr @ erau.edu I was reviewing your friends of Corvairs of New Mexico list and found our old home address. I would like to drive my corvair from Prescott Valley AZ to New Mexico and maybe be able to make a event what is a good time of year to plain this trip and what would be a good event to attend. Thanks Richard & Annette Travis ******* ******* On Fri, 20 Nov 2009, Bretz Vetz wrote: I wanted to take a moment and compliment you and your fellow members on the excellent newletter you produce every month. I always look forward to my email copy sent by Sally and Ricki Jannise with Corvair Houston. I am currently a board member with Corvair Houston and our club always gets a kick out of seeing what's going on in sunny New Mexico. Have a great Holiday season with all the trimmings! Brett Finley - 63 Spyder CV 150/4 - 68 Monza CV 140/4 ******* ******* SUBJECT: LIBERTARIANS From: Wassupin2009 @ zol.com Date: 2009-Oct-23 06:05:00 MDT I just happened to see the following on Roger Ebert's movie review web page and knowing your interest in the ongoing health care debate, thought you'd like to see it: The irony about libertarians, who are often well-read and financially stable, is that they are awarded the luxury of stating their egocentric viewpoints precisely because government eliminates the state of nature. In a true state of nature, where life is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short," these libertarians would lose everything as the desperate poor would simply kill them. Cheers, w2009 ******* ******* SUBJECT: CORVAIR KUDOS From: Wrsssatty @ aol.com Date: 2009-Aug-25 18:02:32 MDT As a member of NJACE, I was sent a link to Corvairs of New Mexico's Sept. '09 newsletter. I just wanted to congratulate you on a well-written and entertaining article ("Why No 50-MPG Cars?"). Bill Stanley ******* ******* SUBJECT: SEPTEMBER 2009 CORVAIRS OF NEW MEXICO NEWSLETTER From: eschakel @ earthlink.net Date: 2009-Aug-24 14:55:07 MDT Another great issue, Jim. Thanks for the plug for the 2011 Convention - it seems like a long way off, but will be here before we know it! - Eric ******* ******* SUBJECT: CNM NEWSLETTER From: corvairjack @ verizon.net Date: 2009-Aug-24 10:48:39 MDT Another interesting newsletter. But I see that I missed your deadline for publication of the new feature "CORSA Corner", a column each month by a member of CORSA board of directors. Did you receive it? Admit I didn't check your August issue to see if you printed CORSA Corner sent by Jamie Reinhart. Perhaps you did not receive. The e-mailing is the the chapters @ corvair.org list, and I have learned that it is incomplete and inaccurate. Read reports from RMCC and PPCC on 2011 convention. I plan to work with the team to produce a first class event. I know that CNM has much talent to contribute. Regards, Jack Pinard, Western Division Director ******* ******* SUBJECT: JUNE 2009 DENVAIR NEWS From: eschakel @ earthlink.net Date: 2009-Jun-03 19:44:12 MDT Jim, I thought CNM did an outstanding job of preparing and conducting the event. It was great to talk with you and see everyone. Attached is the June Newsletter. It was very nice to see so many of you at the Tri-State Meet last weekend; look for coverage in the July issue. Eric Schakel - RMC ******* ******* SUBJECT: TAOS TRIP From: finchbooks @ tularosa.net Date: 2009-Jun-03 20:54:02 MDT Hi Jim, Heula and CNM folks, Gayle and I wanted to tell all the CNM members that we had a safe trip back home from Taos and that we really enjoyed the Tri-State event. The hotel staff were totally pleasant and the site of the Kachina Lodge was perfect. Thanks to all the CNM folks who worked so hard to make it such a perfect event. Richard and Gayle Finch - Tularosa, NM ******* ******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE From: mark.morgan-02 @ scott.af.mil Date: 2009-Jun-18 10:28:11 MDT Security: Signed (MORGAN.MARK.L.1146104998) Jim - Wow, most impressive! ******* ******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE From: russ.mcd @ msn.com Date: 2009-Jun-18 10:50:05 MDT Jim, As usual, AWESOME job on the report, truly a first class job. Especially so since you got a great shot of my car and engine!! ha ha Did you have trouble getting all the numbers? Thanks for all your hard work. Russ ******* ******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE From: blairylar @ hotmail.com Date: 2009-Jun-18 11:06:53 MDT Beautiful. ******* ******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE From: obros @ gbta.net Date: 2009-Jun-18 11:18:33 MDT Jim, Thanks for the update. I only wish I could attend, I miss seeing all you folks, Thanks again - Lee Olsen ******* ******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE From: tarmo @ juno.com Date: 2009-Jun-18 13:19:43 MDT Jim, This is quite a "report." You've definitely set the standard for future Tri-State reporting. Great Job!!! Tarmo & Kay ******* ******* SUBJECT: RE: REPORT ON 2009 TAOS TRI-STATE From: McNAMARA,MARY [cnm.edu] Date: 2009-Jun-19 17:10:00 MDT Thanks for including me on the mailing list. A few comments/observations: I guess you get to be CNM (because you were CNM before T-VI became CNM) ;-) I am pretty sure Mike Stickler and I went to grade school together. I think the red convertable is the car I see in the north campus parking lot. (It didn't have nice white seats last time I saw it.) I remember asking the fellow if he knew Jim Pittman and he told me, "I knew him before I was born". !!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CORVAIRS IN ELGIN, ILLINOIS Subject: newsletter stuff From: Corvair66 @ aol.com Date: 2009-Sep-17 16:09:53 MDT My Dad just sent me an old book about my hometown. The town he has lived in all his life. Browsing through it and found these nice articles and pictures. David Huntoon (click photos for larger view)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JUST FOR FUN.... "Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant." -------------- Snorgtees "Canadians know their Eh - B - Cs." ----------- Snorgtees "I am disappointment in you're grammar." ----------- Snorgtees "I'm confused. Oh, wait, maybe I'm not." --------------- Snorgtees "Dyslexics are teople poo." ------------------ Snorgtees "3.14 percent of Sailors are Pi Rates." ---------------- Snorgtees "A day without Fusion is a day without Sunshine." --- Snorgtees "To Save Time, Let's Just Assume I'm Never Wrong." ------------- John Wiker, January 2014 THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME (contributed by Chuck Vertrees) My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that comes out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week." My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so! That's why." My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth, and eat your supper." My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." My mother taught me about the WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father." My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." =-================-= ON THE FIRST DAY On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?" And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again. On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. [contributed by Chuck Vertrees] =-================-= THOUGHTS FOR TODAY Birds of a feather flock together .... and crap on your car. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. A penny saved .... is a government oversight. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight .... By then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house .... is to buy a replacement. He who hesitate .... is probably right. Did you ever notice .... that the Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL.' If you think there is good in everybody .... you haven't met everybody. If you can smile when things go wrong .... you have someone in mind to blame. The sole purpose of a child's middle name .... so he can tell when he's really in trouble. Did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'THE' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.' Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. The older we get .... the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth .... think of Algebra. You know you are getting old .... when everything either dries up or leaks. One of the many things no one tells you about aging .... it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful .... but being old is comfortable. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. A Higgs boson goes into a church. The priest says, "We don't allow Higgs bosons here." And the Higgs boson says, "But without me there is no mass." -- Neil deGrasse Tyson A photon walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Do you want a double?" and the photon says, "No, I'm traveling light." -- Neil deGrasse Tyson Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees." Q: What is the difference between a Quantum Theorist and a Beauty Therapist? A: The Quantum Theorist uses Planck's Constant as a foundation, whereas the Beauty Therapist uses Max Factor. "Stone walls do not a prism make, nor iron bars a diffraction grating." The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. =-================-= BANANAS A professor at CCNY for a physiological psychology class told his students about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on: Never put your banana in the refrigerator!!! Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet. Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier. PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood. Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia. Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the U. S. Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke. Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) England school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert. Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives. Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system. Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief. Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness. Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation. Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system. Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady. Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach. Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan. Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The vitamines B6 and B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal. Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be re-balanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack. Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%! Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape! So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!' PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe... polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit! =-================-= WHAT GOES AROUND...... 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. =-================-= IMPONDERABLES..... Do fish get thirsty? Are unripened oranges called greens? Did Noah include termites on the ark? How come wrong numbers are never busy? Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? How can the cemetery raise its burial fees and blame it on the cost of living? How could I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I've only been driving for 10 minutes? How do you dial a pushbutton phone? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How is it that a building burns up as it burns down? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" and I wondered, who is supposed to read this? the dog? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? If you learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius? If the world is spinning so fast why don't we all get dizzy? If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space? If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon to the pan? If we weren't meant to keep starting over, why do we have Mondays? If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do we call it "breakfast"? If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday? If there's so much laborsaving machinery, why don't I have more free time? If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be? Since light travels faster than sound, do some people appear bright until you hear them speak? What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? Was it a rich or a smart person who said: "Money can't buy happiness"? We have lived through the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. Did we then live through the noughties? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Where does the white go when the snow melts? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? Why call it a building if it's already been built? Why are wise men and wise guys the exact opposites? Why are they called "apartments" when they are together? Who puts the thin ice sign in the middle of the thin ice? Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons? What would the world be like without hypothetical situations? Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything? What is listed as the hair color on a driver's license of a bald headed man? Why do they have ear piercing while you wait? Is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later? Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? Why do they leave out the letter B on "GARAGE SALE" signs? Why does night fall but never break, and day breaks but never falls? Why do we always want to grow up when we're young and be younger when we're old? You can't have everything... where would you put it? =-================-= MONEY For money you can have everything, it is said. No, that is not true. You can buy food, but not appetite; Medicine, but not health; Soft beds, but not sleep; Knowledge, but not intelligence; Glitter, but not comfort; Fun, but not pleasure; Acquaintances, but not friendship; Servants, but not faithfulness; Grey hair, but not honor; Quiet days, but not peace. The shell of all things you can get for money. But not the kernel. That cannot be had for money. (Arne Garborg, writer 1851-1924) =-================-= WHAT PETS WRITE EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY...... 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY...... Day 983 of my captivity My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.... for now. [ contributed by Wendell - 13-Dec-2008 ] =-================-= ALMOST ONE-LINERS From: Rolfe @ ieway.com (Tim Rolfe) Subject: Optical exercise web site Did you hear about the web site with eye exercises to help alleviate eyestrain when you've been working on-line too long? It's a site for sore eyes. [=] From: jokeotday-owner @ listbot.com (Seals) Subject: Shuttlecock eating dog My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday. Bad Minton. [=] From: bassmstr @ westol.com (Steve Bassler) Subject: IRS I called the IRS the other day. A Chinese woman answered. I guess the administration is trying to cut out the middle man. [=] From: leflora @ vzinet.com Subject: Raising kids the right way Bring up your child in the way he should go... and when he is grown, he'll sue you. [=] From: jokeotday-owner @ listbot.com (Seals) Subject: Men and mad cow disease Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease? A: Men are pigs. [=] From: felix @ nice.usergroup.ethz.ch (Felix Rauch) Organization: NiCE - NeXT User Group, Zuerich, Switzerland Subject: Trendy vacuum cleaner At the computer science department of ETH Zurich, the cleaning staff uses a funny little vacuum cleaner that is round, orange and has an Apple-sticker on it. They call it "The iVac". [=] From: charles.egert @ wanadoo.fr (Charles Egert) Subject: dental humor Then there was my dentist in Paris who I heard one day mutter half to himself while examining my teeth "I could fix that but you'll be dead before it starts really bothering you." [=] From: jokeotday-owner @ listbot.com (Seals) Subject: Plumber with distraught woman Joe the Plumber is trying to placate a woman in her flooded kitchen. "Please, madam," he says to her, "Crying will only make it worse." [=] From: ando4 @ earthlink.net (Jonathan Anderson) Subject: Puns Heralds don't pun. They cant. [=] From: dselesky @ ma.ultranet.com (Don Selesky) Subject: Updated proverb for this millenium Give a man a fish, and you've fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you can sell him a ton of accessories. [=] From: lyndale @ argonet.co.uk (Luke Anders) Subject: Petrol crisis Q: What costs $132 a barrel and uses vulgar language? A: Crude oil. [=] From: holly @ golightly.com (Jan Moliere) Subject: e.e. cummings last service call "That's right; the upper-case shift works fine on the screen, but they're not coming out on the damn printer... Hold? Sure, I'll hold." [=] From: amack @ airmail.net (A Mack) Subject: gambling problem I went to Isleta Casino and I saw a sign on the wall that said: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER." So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?" [=] From roberto @ beisbol.org Subject: old story We was playin' the Homestead Grays in the city of Pitchburgh. Josh [Gibson] comes up in the last of the ninth with a man on and us a run behind. Well, he hit one. The Grays waited around and waited around, but finally the empire rules it ain't comin' down. So we win. The next day, we was disputin' the Grays in Philadelphia when here come a ball outta the sky right in the glove of the Grays' center fielder. The empire made the only possible call. "You're out, boy!" he says to Josh. "Yesterday, in Pitchburgh." -- Satchel Paige ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MORE PHILOSOPHY LESSONS..... LIFE AND A CAN OF BEER From: mgw1979 @ hotmail.com (MGW) Subject: Life and a Can of Beer A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things -- your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. "The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers." =-================-= EXCERPT FROM A BBC INTERVIEW WITH JOHN FOWLES FROM OCTOBER 1977 Reference: http://www.fowlesbooks.com/BBC%20interview.htm FOWLES: I'm not a political being really. One of my theories is that the problems facing the world at the moment cannot be dealt with politically. I would much rather see a takeover by the sociologists and biologists. I think we're facing a biological crisis now and I don't think the terms of contemporary politics really meet the situation at all. BRAGG: Biological crisis in terms of ...? FOWLES: In terms of overpopulation. BRAGG: Energy resources ... FOWLES: Energy resources, pollution and all the rest of it. BRAGG: You don't think those are being brought under control? FOWLES: I don't think they're being brought under control. I don't see how they can be, when the question is discussed nine-tenths of the time, in terms of labour and capital and all Tories and Labour party. The French have a new group. They call themselves "les Verts". An analogy with "les Rouges", the Reds. Now, if we had a Green Party in this country I should join that at once. That is, an ecological and a scientifically based country. I think only the scientists can really run society now and make decisions about the future. BRAGG: Do you think it's ever likely to come about that they'll be given the chance to? FOWLES: Philosophers be kings? No, not until there's an appalling bloodbath and a universal catastrophe. =-================-= ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TITLE OF ARTICLE............... =END=