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International Friendship Program

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. What is the International Friendship Program?

  2. How often do the friends meet with the international student?

  3. What should we do together?

  4. What do we NOT need to do?

  5. What is the international student like?

  6. What should we do for our first visit?

  7. What do we do next?

  8. What can we talk about?

  9. How can we involve our children in getting to know our international student?

  10. How can we help our student's spouse adjust to life in the United States?

  11. What are some simple ways we can show our student we care?

  12. What are some ideas for activities we can do together?

  13. What if an event costs money?

  14. How do we deal with the issue of religion?

  15. How do we deal with political discussions?

  16. Will there ever be an end?

  1. What is the International Friendship Program?
    It is a program that pairs international students (and sometimes visiting research scholars) with local individuals and/or families to provide an opportunity for cross-cultural learning. Students are typically invited to participate in home activities, recreational outings and holiday celebrations. Both parties will have a chance to learn about each other's culture and share a unique friendship together.

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  2. How often do the friends meet with the international student?
    This is decided together by the student and the host. Once a month is recommended. However, some matches meet weekly, while others meet at holidays or other occasions only a few times per year.

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  3. What should we do together?
    Invite your student to your home for a simple meal or just a cup of tea. Take your student to activities such as school events, sporting events, shopping, or on other outings. Attend special events in the Albuquerque area or around New Mexico. Invite your student to your home for a holiday celebration. Participate in other activities of mutual interest.

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  4. What do we NOT need to do?
    • You do not need to provide housing for your student.
    • You do not need to provide financial help for your student.
    • You do not need to provide legal and/or immigration advice.
    • You do not need to help with serious emotional or health problems (or even car problems!).
    • You should not expect your student to agree with your religious, political, or other beliefs.
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  5. What is the international student like?
    UNM International students come from more than 80 different countries. These individuals may be here for as little as a one or two semester exchange or as long as an 8‐year PhD program. Students are male and female and from a multitude of cultural and religious backgrounds. It is difficult to know in advance who your student will be, so it is important to keep an open mind.

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  6. What should we do for our first visit?
    • Attend events organized by the Office of International Programs and Studies (OIPS) with your student to meet him or her for the first time. Sometimes the actual matching is done at these beginning of the semester events (Fall Welcome Picnic in August or Spring Swing Dance Potluck Dinner in January). Or consider meeting on neutral ground, such as a coffee shop, restaurant, etc., to get to know the student a little better and find out about their background interests, etc.
    • You might end up talking about the student's country, so do a little research. Sharing photographs is also a good icebreaker. Find the student's country on a map and do some reading about the country.
    • Clarify your meeting time by an email or a written note.
    • Write down your name, address, phone number, and email address, and any family members' names to give to the student. Decide on how best to communicate. If communication by phone is better for you, find out the best times to call them and tell them when they should call you. Ask them to keep you up‐to‐date with new phone number and address for any moves they might make.
    • Clarify how the student wants to be addressed and how his/her name is pronounced. Find out how your student would like to address you. Some students are not comfortable using first names for older adults.
    • Be prepared to speak more slowly than usual and cut down on slang phrases and heavy use of idioms. Be prepared to explain jokes since humor often doesn't translate well into another culture.
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  7. What should we do next?
    • Make arrangements for a second visit and clarify by email or written note. Ask the student about busy times when exams, important papers, etc. may be coming up. Work around these times as well as break times. It is helpful to tell the student how long your visit might last since most students are very conscientious about their studies and need to know when they can get back to work.
    • Some students may not mind a last‐minute call to attend an event. Try to find out what kinds of arrangements work out best with your student.
    • Consider including your student's friends in your invitation to events, if you can handle additional guests. This is not required.
    • When you want the visit to end, make it very clear because cultures have different ways of indicating that the time for a visit is over.
    • Understand that in some cultures, it is expected that guests will come later than the stated time if it's a social event. Communicate clearly with the student about the time you expect them to arrive.
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  8. What can we talk about?
    Ask the student about his/her family, home country and customs. Ask to see pictures, books or other information that will deepen your understanding of the student's background/experience. Talk about the student's studies and personal interests. International students are usually more willing than Americans to discuss controversial topics such as politics, religion, etc. Just be aware that their perspectives may be very different from your own, and be prepared for a friendly exchange of ideas.

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  9. How can we involve our children in getting to know our international student?
    Many international students are here for a long time and really miss their families. They enjoy being around a family and especially children, who can often help bridge the barriers between you by their naturalness and spontaneity. The children will also learn valuable lessons from their contact with the student.
    • Help the children locate the student's country on a map before the first visit.
    • Read about your student's country in an encyclopedia or other book or website.
    • Ask the student to teach the children a few basic phrases in the student's language.
    • See if your student would like to show your children some games from the student's country.
    • Invite your student to school functions – ball games, track meets, special events, plays, etc., to involve them in your children's activities.
    • See if your children want to invite your student to come to the classroom to share about the student's culture.
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  10. How can we help our student's spouse adjust to life in the United States?
    Many spouses have more trouble adjusting to the US than do the students because-
    • Their English level may not be as high,
    • They may have had to leave their jobs,
    • They may not feel they have a place here, or
    • They may have the added burden of helping their children adjust to the culture at the same time as they are adjusting.
    There are some English classes in the community for spouses who may be beginning to learn English as well as for those whose English is quite proficient. It is important that spouses get involved soon in classes or in other ways that will help them interact in the culture and achieve some independence. The spouse can often become lonely because the husband or wife is very busy with studies. Please refer international spouses to the Office of International Programs and Studies for more information on opportunities for spouses.

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  11. What are some simple ways we can show our student we care?
    • Bring your student some cookies or other homemade food during exams or illness.
    • Cut out news articles about your student's country that may interest him/her.
    • Meet occasionally for a coke or a cup of tea or coffee.
    • Take photos when your student visits for him/her to send home.
    • Encourage your student to call or email you any time.
    • Introduce your student to other friends in the community, or arrange joint gatherings with other community friends and their students.
    • Celebrate special days together, like birthdays, holidays, special occasions.
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  12. What are some ideas for activities we can do together?
    Find out what your student likes to do and share with them things you like to do. Some ideas: sporting events, music performances, civic activities (such as Rotary and Kiwanis Clubs, volunteering at local organizations, etc.), outdoor activities, cultural events, and eating a meal together (find out what dietary restrictions they have first!). Your student may also want to demonstrate how to cook food from his/her country to share with you.

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  13. What if an event costs money?
    If you take your student to an event, be sure to let the student know ahead of time if there is a fee involved and who will be paying. You should plan on paying the first time that you invite your student somewhere as their host. Money issues are difficult to negotiate even in our own culture, much less having to deal with cultural misunderstandings. So, for at least the first year, you might best invite your student to free events or (if you must go to an event costing money) be prepared to pay for the student.

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  14. How do we deal with the issue of religion?
    The following are recommendations from the joint National Association for Foreign Student Affairs/International Student Service Committee with Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish representations.
    • Religion and religious institutions constitute an important aspect of the culture of the United States that foreign students should have an opportunity to learn about or observe if they wish.
    • The traditional concern of US religious groups for international understanding, social justice, and the welfare of the stranger should motivate their work with international students rather than any desire to proselytize the students.
    • Respect for the individual requires recognition of the fact that religious and cultural heritage are precious to all, that we can best serve students' religious needs by welcoming them when they desire to share religious experience with us, or if their religion is different from ours, by providing facilities for them and others of their faith to worship in their own way.
    • Religious groups may perform a service by providing opportunities for international students and the US campus and community to join in religious and intellectual inquiry through open discussion and broad questioning and through free exchange of information about principles and practices of various faiths and cultures.
    • Any invitation to an international student to attend any event sponsored by a religious group or its members should clearly indicate the nature of the event and its sponsorship.
    Also in some cultures it is taboo to discuss religious beliefs or customs, so if your student appears hesitant to discuss their religious beliefs with you, please do not press them to do so.

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  15. How do we deal with political discussions?
    Many Americans, of course, hold differing political views. In the same way, citizens of other countries may hold many differing views even though they are not always as free as we are to express them. A Chinese person born in the PRC (Mainland China) may hold very different opinions from a Chinese person born in Taiwan or elsewhere. Muslims come from many nations and often hold views that vary a lot. Whether the causes of a country's internal differences are due to racial, cultural, religious, or economic differences among its inhabitants, it is important for community friends to recognize that all the people of a group or nation do not necessary hold the same beliefs.

    When discussing politics or religion, be exceptionally slow to criticize. Our news media may not always cover all the news about the situation in the student's country. Also, be slow to anger if the United States is criticized. A student may get all his/her information about the U.S. from government‐sponsored newspapers and may not have a complete picture of our country either. Remember that by practicing tolerance and understanding, you will be establishing tolerance as an example for your international student to follow.

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  16. Will there ever be an end?
    Each friendship will be different. Some will last less than a year as students may be on a one or two semester exchange program. Other friendships will last a lifetime. We hope you will thoroughly enjoy participating in the International Friendship Program as often and as long as you are able to. Your time and effort befriending a UNM international student or scholar are greatly appreciated and will bring about as many benefits to you, as they will to your student/scholar.

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