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by Michael E. Campana
El Salvador y Honduras
(being a semifictional account of my sabbatical adventures, designed to amuse
and inform, and to be taken with a kilo of salt)
20 April 2003
I am pleased to announce that the Ann Campana Judge Foundation is now online at www.acjfoundation.org. Please take a look to see what we are about. If you want to make a contribution, that's fine - you can send us a check or make a secure donation online through PayPal. We want to thank those of you whose donations have enabled us to now dispense some funds - the WWW site announces our first RFP (Request For Proposals), due 1 July 2003. We will make a few small grants, no more than $4000 each, so please take a look at the RFP.
Bad Timing of the Year Award: just before SARS killed 30 people in Hong Kong, the city had initiated its "Hong Kong Will Take Your Breath Away" ad campaign. It was too late to pull the ads from a number of magazines.
On April 13 I fulfilled a lifelong (bad) dream by landing safely at Tegucigalpa's Toncontín International Airport, named for Miguel Toncontín, who died failing to negotiate the short (5400 feet) runway here on the maiden landing and crashed into a bodega at the end of the runway. The short runway, high elevation, surrounding mountains, and location atop a mesa in the middle of a neighborhood make this one of the world's most dangerous airports, according to the IATA. Taking off can be also be a joy, especially on a hot summer day with a fully loaded plane. When I flew home from here last March, the pilot sat at the end of the runway, revved up the engines and then 'popped the clutch'. Thrilling. The American and Continental pilots who fly here first must earn their wings at NYC's LaGuardia airport, where they have to land and take off without hitting Flushing Bay or Shea Stadium. I flew here on a TACA flight from San Salvador that was the most expensive one I've ever taken on a cost per minutes basis - $6/minute for a 30-minute flight. Can you spell "monopoly"? I wanted to take on the plane a PVC bailer I had made in El Salvador, using all of about $7 in parts. They would not let me carry it on the plane (it's a plastic tube about one yard by one inch in diameter) but the agent said I could check it as luggage for an extra $25, since I had already checked two bags. After I handed it to her and said "It's yours", she relented and let me check it free. TACA (acronym for Take A Chance Airlines), based in El Salvador, is the major regional carrier in Central America and has most of the routes among major C.A. cities. TACA does not serve meals or drinks on any of its flights to Tegucigalpa, because experience has taught them that the meals inevitably wind up on the floor.
Flying around C.A. is often exciting, to say the least. My most interesting experience was on a little 6-passenger plane flying from the Darien Province in Panama back to Panama City. I sat next to the pilot. As we departed from one village for the 120-mile trip to PC, I noticed, to my horror, that the gas gauge was below "E". I indicated this to the pilot, who smiled and said, 'Don't worry, the gauge is broken'. Somehow, I was reassured.
Before Tegucigalpa, I had spent five days in El Salvador, a beautiful little country with gorgeous beaches, subject to earthquakes and volcanoes (reminds me of Will Durant's quote "Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change at a moment's notice"). One of the locals joked that foreign seismologists and volcanologists prop up the economy. My previous knowledge of this country had been obtained by watching Oliver Stone's "Salvador", his over-the-top perspective on the 12-year civil war, seen through the eyes of an on-the-edge journalist played by James Woods. This is akin to learning about Turkey by watching "Midnight Express". The capital, San Salvador, is more prosperous than I imagined. There are at least four shopping malls, and I even saw two dog beauty salons, a sure sign that some Salvadorans have too much money. The international airport is spacious, modern and clean, arguably better than Panama City's.
I was in El Salvador doing some pro bono work for a local NGO, APRODEHNI (www.aprodehni.org). Seems the government allowed the construction of a landfill near some villages without holding the mandatory community meetings, and APRODEHNI, a children's rights/health organization, is concerned that it may be leaking. One bad aspect of this trip: I can never look at a chile relleno in the same way. The word for landfill down here is "el relleno". A "relleno sanitario" does not indicate a place to get healthy rellenos.
The APRODEHNI folks are quite dedicated - I worked with Gloria de Rivera, the executive director, and her two colleagues, Misael and Rene, both of whom bore arms for the guerrillas during the civil war. Rene even showed me the bullet wound on his leg.
I just read that Operation Iraqi Freedom disrupted Aussie Steve Irwin's plans, and the self-styled "Crock Hunter" is none too happy. He had to cancel plans to pester and ultimately capture the elusive Najaf newt, arguably the world's deadliest amphibian. The creature is far more dangerous than its 4-inch length would suggest. He was to have been assisted in his quest by the Royal Australian Irregular Half-Baked Mounted Light Dragoons, but they were pressed into service and unavailable for this dangerous task. Steve and spouse Terri headed for Afghanistan instead, having declared a jihad on the Fatwa frog.
I am getting to the point where I know enough Spanish to be very dangerous. I recalled one time after my junior year in high school, when after three years of French, I started practicing (French, that is) on my classmate's French-Canadian aunt. Unfortunately, I mispronounced some words and failed to realize that some words in French-Canadian have different meanings from "regular" French. Plus, there was French with a New York accent. Essentially, I got off on the wrong foot by implying she was an "old slut" and instead of switching to English to apologize, I stayed with my French and simply dug a deeper hole for myself. My classmate, who spoke perfect French, finally apologized to his aunt, who seemed somewhat mollified. After she left, we all had a good laugh. I switched to German in college.
I am in Puerto Cortés now, at the tail end of Semana Santa (Easter Week). Many of the government offices here and throughout Central America are closed all week. I took the luxury bus (A/C, snacks, movies, attendant, Immodium A-D) from Tegucigalpa to San Pedro Sula, about 150 miles for 11 dollars, but taking almost four hours. The first feature film was "The Banger Sisters", which took 90 minutes to explain how Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon earned that moniker in their youth (they worked for a fireworks company in Cedar Rapids, Iowa). We then enjoyed "The Transporter", an action movie starring a guy who makes Vin Diesel look like a lock for an Oscar. There was much traffic, as many people head for the beaches or family gatherings. The beaches near PC promise to be a zoo, and I was not disappointed.
I will probably wrap these reports up soon, with one more report. I know most
of you want to get back to work and quit being annoyed - at least until seven
years from now. I return home on 5 May but will then head for Vienna on 9 May
for 9 days to attend a meeting, clean up my room at the IAEA, and apologize
to all those I offended. I am sure I will have much to report from Vienna, especially
since I have heard that the Safeguards Division folks have reserved my favorite
men's room, Sachertortes, and several 'canisters' of Heineken's for ein party.
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