• Focus on solving interpersonal problems through
  1. problem identification, clarification
  2. interpersonal communication

First task is clarifying problem ownership

• Is there a problem? If so, who owns the problem?
• Do you need to--
  1. Help another person solve their own problem? [or]
  2. Solve your own problem? [If other person is unaware there is a problem, it is your problem.]
• Use communication strategies suited to the situation

If the other person owns the problem,

• Use active listening skills: empathy, acceptance, authenticity/genuineness.
• Do not ask questions, criticize, state opinions, offer suggestions, praise...
• Reflect back feelings like a mirror (empathy).
• Do not try to solve the problem for other person.
• In groups, do not speak on behalf of other people.

If you own the problem,

• Use confrontative skills: indicate to other person that you have a problem.
• Say I not you
  • Compare the following:
    • I feel really hurt and angry when you forget to call me.
    • You are really inconsiderate. You have a time management problem
• Be descriptive, not judgmental.
• Use metaphors if this helps you to express how you are feeling.
• If a person's behavior creates a problem for you, you need to make it their problem, too. If they do not even know their behavior bothers you, then by definition it is your problem, not theirs.

Seek solutions and strategies

• Strive for open communication. (How would you define open communication?)
• Prospects for useful discussion, clarification, analysis, joint-problem solution are greatly enhanced by open communication.